A class on World Religions required that a personal journal be kept while focusing on four major religions. While not a wholly academic paper, per se, it is an interesting collection of observations and ruminations. Three portions of this journal are reproduced for you below.
World Religions:
A Classroom Perspective on Three Major Religions...
Note: I do not claim to have practiced any of these religions. I do draw tenets from some of them, as I am a very eclectic person. The following journal entries are in no way meant to be disrespectful, be it by the assignment's existence or my words. The journal was merely a classroom tool to facilitate attempting to see the world through the eyes of a philosophy other than the personal prevailing one.
Hindu Journal
Monday, September 27th.
Explanation: It’s pretty self-explanatory. I was just trying to figure out which path is best to tread regarding a rift-causing argument between good friends:
The saga continues: a friend of mine has gravely insulted me and turned the ensuing argument into a situation that is all about her–how she is the victim, the punished, the ignored. I am in a state of shock. This is so surreal, so hurtful, so–words can not express what I feel. I turn to my Hindu faith, seeking the answers in the overflowing wisdom of the ancients. The only path that I find worth treading is the one of Truth–let compassion be my watchword and justice my lamp. Do not give into actions of selfishness or pettiness. Do not succumb to abject selflessness either, becoming the image of myself she wishes me to be because she wishes it so. Instead, let my own faithfulness to goodness lead me through this time and all pain must eventually fall away. (Though a few judicious prayers to Kali might not hurt...)
Tuesday, September 28th.
Explanation: I was a young girl afraid to be alone in my grandmother’s home. There are no good memories for me within that house, and so there is no accompanying feeling of security. My nights there are always long, when alone, and more than likely sleepless. My attempts to think Hindu thoughts distracted me thusly:
The night is long, lonely, and cold. I am alone, though I do not wish to be. The night echoes with a thousand voices, all my brothers within the glittering robe of Maya; yet, within the house, all is silent and still. A darkness walks the farthest corners. Man-made barriers, building illusion upon illusion, steal even the comfort of other deluded souls from me for the duration of my sleepless watch. I’ve a small cone of incense with me, preciously kept in my bag, but no flames to light it with and waft my desperate prayers to the Gods. Will these walls, these prison bars of illusion, also keep the Gods’ ears deaf to my pleas for succor? For peace and tranquility that I might sleep and endure? My fearful emotions well up into my throat, calling forth a rending prayer to my chosen protector. I sing, low-pitched, with fervor into the oppressive silence:
Oh, Lord Vishnu,
Blue-skinned one,
Preserver of the world,
Of us, the humble beings,
Bring to me the peace:
Tranquility, the blessing.
Your four hands
Holy,
Hold that which I seek:
Sankha, chakra, Padma, gada.
The sound of the sankha thrills through me
Quieting the anxious waters within.
As the chakra shows me the
Wheel of Time
and my fate in this,
the Sphere of Men.
Padma, scent of glorious life,
perfumes my endless thoughts to sleep.
Let the gada lay still by your side,
O Lord...
Let not tonight be my darkness
and my time to weep.
Chaste Lakshmi awaits
your just foot’s tread,
humble servant just as I am
to do your work here--
if you would but touch me,
send peace
leave me
without dread or fear.
Oh, Lord Vishnu,
Blue-skinned one,
Preserver of the world,
Of us, the humble beings,
Bring to me peace.
Wednesday, September 29th.
Explanation: I was with my beloved, and I think that Laurence Hope (from his book, India’s Love Lyrics) had the greatest words:
"The Garden of Kama: Kama the Indian Eros"
The daylight is dying,
The Flying fox flying,
Amber and amethyst burn in the sky.
See, the sun throws a late,
Lingering, roseate
Kiss to the landscape to bid it good-bye.
The time of our Trysting!
Oh, come, unresisting,
Lovely, expectant, on tentative feet.
Shadow shall cover us,
Roses bend over us,
Making a bride chamber, sacred and sweet.
We know not life's reason,
The length of its season,
Know not if they know, the great Ones above.
We none of us sought it,
And few could support it,
Were it not gilt with the glamour of love.
But much is forgiven
To Gods who have given,
If but for an hour, the Rapture of Youth.
You do not yet know it,
But Kama shall show it,
Changing your dreams to his Exquisite Truth.
The Fireflies shall light you,
And naught shall affright you,
Nothing shall trouble the Flight of the Hours.
Come, for I wait for you,
Night is too late for you,
Come, while the twilight is closing the flowers.
Every breeze still is,
And, scented with lilies,
Cooled by the twilight, refreshed by the dew,
The garden lies breathless,
Where Kama, the Deathless,
In the hushed starlight, is waiting for you.
Thursday, September 30th.
Explanation: I was upset.
I now wear the red and the white bracelets about these wrists that before have had no violence attested to their pale form. My hair, once so cooly dark and the premier sign of serenity, is now streaked with the scarlet glory of Kali. None shall touch me. Those who have hurt, have struck their last. Those who have borne the fire to the pyre of my individuality, their flesh shall never feel the kiss of sweet warmth again! My path is set. Vengeance is not my lantern, but the destruction of ego and my makers must not be shirked.
"In the empty space of the heart that has burnt in the Dhuni there is a feeling of death, a death that is good and strong. What I mean by strong is that this is the death of the ego, the death that so many seekers have looked for but didn't have the strength to find. Not one person can hurt you, but you must also remember that not one person can help you. You are the maker of the moment." So says Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati. Her words ring true with strength and with the echo of Kali’s wisdom. I will follow. I will burn. I will end.
Friday, October 1st.
Explanation: Hey! You were in class too, mister. Mental absence does not count.
I pray. I lift my arms to the heavens, stretching my body, inviting the gods to alight within. Swooping down as a bird, I lay my palms upon the ground to root myself. Stretch back the right limb, feeling the fire of proper positioning. Stretch back the second to match the first, forming a curved bow above the ground below. Slowly resolve into cobra, holding the sinuous posture of the snake, then move back into bow. Bring left limb forward, right forward, root myself once more, feeling the glorious stretching of my muscles. Lift hands in praise to the heavens yet again, closing with a prayer.
And now, breathing. Child-form, knees pulled beneath me, all huddled close to the Earth. Just breathing. Then arms at my side, still breathing yet. On my back, just breathing, lids drooping. On my side, fetal position. So delicious, the energized feeling within. So delicious with quiet mind. So delicious just to breathe.
The sweetest part of the dream always comes before the waking.
Buddhist Journal
Monday, October 11th.
"An upright posture and a few relaxed breaths can make a great difference."
-Buddha’s Little Instruction Book
In half-lotus, I sit, eyes drooping, hands not-holding mu, spine straight, tongue to the roof of my mouth. My surroundings are not important. This room of cold linoleum half-clothed in the trappings of my secular personality matter not. Only the darkness that is not darkness, the mind that is not mind should occupy me now.
First, my breathing must be the focus. Breath in, out, and one. Breath in, out, and two. Breath in, out, and three. Breath in, out and so on up to ten. Then back down to one as I have learned in my pursuit of the Buddha’s teachings. Let this be my only focus for today’s meditation, as long as the peace shall last.
Tuesday, October 12th.
"When you walk, just walk; when you eat, just eat."
-Buddha’s Little Instruction Book
The trees feel the approach of winter–I see them tremble as fingers of wind, the harbinger of a deathly season, trail through their leafy crowns. Some leaves have already fallen to litter a now sere carpet of grass, their chlorophyll sacrificed with the diminishing sunlight.
Trees know not of Buddha–of Bodhisattvas, the Eightfold Path, the Four Noble Truths. Trees do not know they are; they just are. Whole and ultimately woven into the tapestry of life. They are, but their minds are not. This is a great secret.
I sit in the shadow of one of these trees that does not know it is a tree and therefore is not a tree. I make my back straight, just as the tree. My eyes closed, blind as the tree, yet every pore in my body open to the world around me. I discipline my monkey mind, allow my mind to assume to the image of the calmness of an untouched pond. In this state, I just am, immersed in the world around me, until there is no me and there is no world.
There just is that which does not know it is and therefore is not.
Wednesday, October 13th.
The Great Way has no gate;
there are a thousand paths to it.
If you pass through the barrier,
you walk the universe alone.
-Wu-men
How does someone, alone, know that she is separate from that which is around her? Where is the line of demarcation if she has nothing to compare herself to but the great void? If the great void is all there is, perhaps she herself is an illusion and is not.
I pull back my wandering thoughts that had tumbled so confusedly into a philosophical debate on an amalgam of Buddhist teachings. I scold myself on my multiple failings in my quest for a quiet and disciplined mind.
Back to the basics. Focus on breathing... In, out, and one. In, out, and two. The mind is calm, and with calmness can come contemplation. Nothing in the hands, nothing in the mind. That way one may be open to clear perception.
"The Great Way has no gate..." Is that because, as Western rationalization has taught us, the Great Way is an abstract thought and, as such, can have no gate, no starkly delineated beginning? Or because it is not and therefore can not have a beginning? Or because it is so much one with the world and ourselves that there is no beginning, merely existence?
In, out, and three. In, out, and four. Unconscious breathing, unconscious peace.
"...there are a thousand paths to it." Of course. All roads lead to the sea. Whatever path you take in life will lead you to Enlightenment. That or rebirth, which in turn is a continuation of the path that only ceases to be after the attainment of Nirvana.
"If you pass through the barrier, you walk the universe alone." Alone.
I am afraid of alone. The peace is destroyed; the meditation ended.
Thursday, October 14th.
To know the way and not practice is to be a soup ladle in the pot and not taste the flavor of the soup.
-Achaan Chaa
A tenet most often lost in today’s society–so hung up on instant gratification and 30-second sound bites–is the understanding that a religion is a lifestyle. The welfare of your supramundane life is not comparable to a fission reactor, where you can put in less than you will be getting out. A mere trip to a place of worship once a week, donations of money, and a claim will not gain you any supramundane merit.
Your belief gives you a path. To walk that path is to live your beliefs every day of your life, to breathe even the motes of dust kicked up by your own feet. You cannot put aside your soul as you put aside your shoes every day. It is something you must bear every day of your life.
I guess this wasn’t much for the pretending-to-be-a-Buddhist day. Just my personal reflections on a saying from a Buddhist meditation master.
Friday, October 15th.
A time of forgiveness is upon me.
So says Jack Kornfield, in my little book of meditations, on forgiveness:
"The act of forgiveness is one of the great gifts of spiritual life. It enables us and the world to be released from the sorrows of the past. Forgiveness is an act of the heart, a movement to let go of the resentment and outrage that we have carried for too long. It eases the burden of pain in our heart. To forgive does not mean we condone the misdeeds of another or ever allow them again. It acknowledges that no matter how much we may have suffered, we will not put another human being out of our heart. We have all been harmed, just as we have all, at times, harmed ourselves and others.
...To practice forgiveness meditation, let yourself sit comfortably, allowing your eyes to close and your breath to be natural and easy. Breathing gently into the area of your heart, let yourself feel all the barriers you have erected and the emotions that you have carried because you have not forgiven–not forgiven yourself, not forgiven others. Let yourself feel the pain of keeping your heart closed. Then, breathing softly, begin asking and extending forgiveness, reciting the following words, letting the images and feeling that come up grow deeper as you repeat them.
...There are many ways I have been harmed by others, abused or abandoned, knowingly or unknowingly, in thought, word, or deed. Let yourself picture and remember these many ways. Feel the sorrow you’ve carried from this past and sense that you can release this burden of pain by extending forgiveness when your heart is ready. Now say to yourself: I now remember the many ways others have hurt or harmed me, wounded me, out of fear, pain, confusion, and anger. I have carried this pain in my heart too long. To the extent that I am ready, I offer them forgiveness. To those who have caused me harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.
Let yourself gently repeat these three directions for forgiveness until you feel a release in your heart. ..."
I would like to say that this practice worked wonders and brought me much peace and serenity. But I still feel the echoes of anger, the tremors of disillusionment.
More practice is needed...and the art of meditation is something I plan to master.
Chinese Journal
Monday, November 1st.
The Master stays behind;
that is why she is ahead.
She is detached from all things;
that is why she is one with them.
Because she has let go of herself,
she is perfectly fulfilled.
--Lao-Tzu
Today, I attempted to use that bit from verse seven of the Tao Te Ching to show a friend of mine a lesson in life that she seemed to be missing. I drew from this ancient text because she holds it and the philosophy of the Tao in high esteem. I thought that I was using her own beliefs to show her how, by giving something space to grow, you could grow closer to it. And that friendship is a matter, not of self-fulfillment, but of sharing. Sharing should be its only goal, for a love that seeks more than that is not true.
Predictably with the situation I find myself immersed in regarding her, my "lesson" did not have the desired effect. Her response?
I also can look into the shortest lines and find their meanings. Things should never be taken at face value and should never be practiced blindly. No quote should ever be invoked where you have acted against it previously.
Obviously not a fan of change, therefore conforming to the argument of her own scorn. If there is one thing that I have learned, it is that it is never too late for one to put down her previous life and begin anew, when such is undertaken in utter truthfulness. I have always found the Tao to be a great source of hope and comfort, not to mention wisdom, that all shall be as it should be.
She followed her above comments with a plethora of quotes from the Tao, using them much as a number of hypocritical Christian’s quote the Bible today–without an eye for context or an unvarnished view of the situation at hand. I find this most disheartening.
Tuesday, November 2nd.
Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?
–Verse 15
Such is what I have come to believe regarding my situation with my friend. All I can do is wait, contemplate, believe and think until the proper action manifests itself. Of course, my current path of inaction is not completely attributable to this verse. I no longer have the emotional resources to continue the battle against miscommunication. Many other problems have decided to arise in my life, and they claim priority over a squabble that has persisted for over a month.
However, following this tenet does not mean that I am forsaking all caring and responsibility. I am more truly soul-searching, looking deep inside myself to find the proper course of action.
This reminds me somewhat of a paragraph from an editorial written by one Heather Corrina:
"We all too often look for people, and for outside things, that tell us, ‘Yes, what you're doing is good and right,’ more often than we seek input and guidance to discover whether what we are doing really IS good and right for us. It is so much harder to grow than to stay the same. It is so much harder to change. I lost my closest friend this year largely because I stopped supporting her destructive behavior, and tried instead to support what was constructive, and though that is a weight that is tough to bear, when we really love ourselves and others, it is the only way to behave."
If you are in accordance with the Tao, then change is not difficult. I know I am guilty of the things mentioned above, but I also know that I am trying to change and become more of my own person. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone else decided to change with us? Or at least to acknowledge our differences.
Wednesday, November 3rd.
The world is sacred.
It can’t be improved.
If you tamper with it, you’ll ruin it.
If you treat it like an object, you’ll lose it.
--Verse 29
It is here that I find legs to stand on in regards to my argument against a capitalist society and the ownership dogma found in the Genesis book of the Bible. The centuries-old belief that the Earth is here merely for our benefit, for our careless use and disposal, is one that spells doom for the human race. Not the planet–man is one arrogant delusional body to believe that he might destroy the planet–but himself and all the other races of life that depend on the same environment that human beings pollute and twist a little more each day. We are killing ourselves. More people in this world, especially those with great power and sway over the masses, need to wake up and smell the Tao–or any one of the myriad nature-oriented philosophies and beliefs. They tend to offer more honor to this planet in addition to succor for the soul than the corrupted form of Christianity that is prevalent today.
Thursday, November 4th.
The Master does his job
and then stops.
He understands that the universe
is forever out of control,
and that trying to dominate events
goes against the current of the Tao.
Because he believes in himself,
he doesn’t try to convince others.
Because he is content with himself,
he doesn’t need others’ approval.
Because he accepts himself,
the whole world accepts him.
–Verse 30
Today I followed a rather synergistic path, mixing Buddhism and Taoism into an interesting whole. In other words, I found the above verse and meditated upon it, reaching a higher level of personal conviction.
Friday, November 5th.
All my convictions seem eternally to fall into doubt. In the past, I have always compromised with everyone on everything, to the point of subjugating myself and my life to other’s whims. When I try and stand up for myself, I am called stubborn and misguided, blinded by my own bitterness and resentment. Is it because I am so used to living as others would have me live that my heart trembles with doubt?
If you close your mind in judgements
and traffic with desires,
your heart will be troubled.
If you keep your mind from judging
and aren’t led by the senses,
your heart will find peace.
Seeing into darkness is clarity.
Knowing how to yield is strength.
Use your own light
and return to the source of light.
This is called practicing eternity.
–Verse 52
I would love to practice eternity, but I fear that I am too wrapt up in desires and that I now judge others too harshly. How long will it be before I can lift my voice in song and not fear the rebukes of others? How long will it take to break free from a mold in place since childhood?
Yet I am ill and must now seek rest.